MONSTER.
Kyla Sierra Zachary.
November 2012.

Wednesday: July 8, 2009
     I met this guy at work today.  See, there was a giant spider in the corner just chilling and I was trying to kill it, but every time I got close to it, it would move really fast and I would just jump back and scream.  It was my third or fourth attempt at slaying that beast when I noticed the new guy leaning against the wall watching me.
     "Enjoying yourself?" I asked him.
     "Yeah."  His hair hung down over his eyes, but I could see them sparkle underneath.
     I rolled my eyes at him, not wanting to get into it with him.  I went in for the kill again and it started to crawl towards my fingers.  I pretty much shrieked and ran a safe distance away from it.  He laughed and pushed past me then crushed it with the toe of his shoe.  "Thanks," I said.  I could feel it come out a tad bit sarcastic.  Something about him just made me feel weird.
     "No problem."  There was no sarcasm there, just a genuine smile.
     "I could've done it myself."
     "No you couldn't."
     God, he was such a jerk.  Except he had something incredibly attractive about him.  "Listen, I have stuff to do.  So, as much as I'd love to stay and chat..."
     He shrugged.  "By all means, go back to your work."
     Even after I turned my back on him, I could still feel him watching me.  I wanted so badly to turn around and look at him again, but I resisted and just walked away.  I almost wish I had turned around.

Thursday: July 9, 2009
     Klark asked me out after work today.  He's the guy I was talking about yesterday.  We were awkwardly standing in front of the Toys-R-Us where we work cuz I had just gotten off and was heading towards my car when he asked me.  It was kinda weird to be having this conversation with little kids and their parents walking past us, but I said yes.  Why the hell did I say yes, you may ask.  I have no idea.  There's something really weird about him.  When he asked me, his head was down the entire time just, like, staring at the floor.  And as much as I wanted to give him some crappy sarcastic excuse why I couldn't, something just drew me to accept the invitation.  I guess I'll let you know what happens on Saturday when I get back.

Saturday: July 11, 2009
     He's got awesome eyes.  Like, they're really pretty... but really scary at the same time.  I think they're brown, but they're like a transparent brown so when the light hits them it's like a red color.  Sorta like a Pepsi when you hold it up to the light.  They're just... I don't know.  They're hypnotizing.  I don't know why I never noticed before.

Sunday: July 12, 2009
     It's something like 2 in the morning.  I can't sleep.  Just thought I'd mention that we're going out again on Tuesday.  We both have the day off.  So I guess you could say it went well.

Wednesday: July 15, 2009
     So, I'm writing this at work today which probably isn't a good idea for multiple reasons, but whatever.  Klark and I are officially together now.  Yesterday was pretty awesome.  I met him at a mini golf place mid-morning and we played 3 rounds.  Well, I don't know if you can really call it 'playing'.
     The first round went okay.  I beat him.  He was actually trying, though.  The second round was alright.  Still kind of trying, but there was a lot more talking going on.  He was just asking me a lot of questions.  Most of them had to do with my favorites.  "What's your favorite color?"  "What's your favorite food?"
     It kinda got annoying after awhile and I sorta snapped at him saying, "What's with the interrogation?" after which he promptly stopped talking for a good ten-fifteen minutes.  I felt terrible about it the moment after I said it, but didn't really know what to say to him.
     We started talking again by the end of the round though.  By the third round, everything was just terrible.  Our swings kept missing and it took us, like, 10 strokes per hole, but it didn't matter.  By that time we were both just laughing and having a good time.  About half way through the course, he sent his ball flying into a pond where we couldn't retrieve it, so we spent the rest of the course taking turns playing with one ball.  It was ridiculous, but it was the most fun I've had in awhile.
     Afterwards, we had lunch together.  I'd say he took me out to lunch, but really we just had hot dogs at the mini golf place.  He did pay though.  That was good.  It was less than $10 for both hot dogs and 2 sodas.  But, hey, it's an effort.
     We went back to my place for awhile when we were done there.  As we stood in front of the door and I fished for my key in my bag, I could hear Jackson barking on the other side.  There was nothing weird about that.  He barks at everything that moves.  Sometimes he barks at things that don't move.  He's not intelligent.  But when I opened the door and Klark stepped in behind me, Jackson got dead silent.  He's never done that before.  And then he started growling at Klark.  Growling!  Never once have I heard that noise from my dog.  Not once.  He was just never the growling type.  He stood rigid, staring at Klark straight in the eye, and growled and growled with no end.
     I finally bent down and put my arms around his neck.  "Hey, what's wrong, boy?" I asked him.  "It's just me.  There's nothing to worry about."  I looked up at Klark.  "Maybe he's just upset that another man is trying to steal me away."
     Klark didn't laugh.  He didn't even smile.  "I'm not good with animals," he said.
     "Well usually Jackson loves everybody.  I don't know what's gotten into him."
     "You didn't tell me that you had a dog."
     "I'm sorry.  I didn't know it was important."
     "Well it is."
     I just sat there on my floor, hugging my dog, staring up at him.  What was I supposed to say to that?  "I could go put him in the bathroom until you leave," I offered.
     He only nodded, didn't say anything.  So I stood up and took Jackson's collar in my hand.  I practically had to drag him to the bathroom, with his nails scratching at the wood on the floor the entire way there.  Once I closed the door on him, he began to howl, but it subsided after just a few seconds.  I could still hear him whimpering, but it wasn't nearly as loud.
     The rest of the afternoon together was relatively uneventful.  We just sat on the couch and watched TV for a couple hours.  Oh, and he kissed me once.  During one of the commercials.  And he told me that he didn't wanna be 'just friends' with me.  That made me smile.  He's a really cool guy.  But there's still something weird about him that he's hiding.  I can feel it.

Saturday: August 1, 2009
     Klark is sleeping over tonight.  Not in my bed or anything.  I offered, but he's gonna sleep on the couch.  Told me he didn't wanna disturb me in the middle of the night cuz he's a restless sleeper.  He said there were rats or bugs or something in his apartment that they were getting taken care of.  I kinda don't believe him.  I think it was just an excuse to spend the night.  But I haven't told him that.

Monday: August 3, 2009
     Jackson died yesterday.  I hate writing that word.  I don't know what got him, but something did.  It's my fault.  The night Klark slept over, I put Jackson out in the backyard since I knew Klark didn't want to be in the house with him.  I could hear him howling all night, so I figured he was fine, just upset about being left out.  But in the morning, Klark found him with his throat torn apart in the backyard.  I never really saw it.  I was preparing his bowl of food when Klark went out to look for him.
     Klark took a blanket and wrapped it around almost all of Jackson's body so that just his face was still showing.  That way, I couldn't see the blood.  It's weird how things like that happen, isn't it.  One good thing enters your life, and another good thing leaves.
     We buried him under the big maple tree that he always sat under on hot days.  Well, Klark did most of the burying.  I sat and painted his name on a rock as a gravestone.  It was blue, just like his collar.  Oh yeah, Klark made sure to take his collar off him too before we buried him.  Luckily it wasn't torn off when whatever decided he made a good midnight snack.  I'm not allowed to have it yet.  He took it home to bleach it and try to get the blood stains out.
     He's a really good guy.  Klark, I mean.  Jackson was good too.  The best dog ever.  Klark suggested I maybe get another one when he saw how upset I was, but I told him that I don't want another dog.  I can't just replace him like that.  I don't understand how anyone could ever do that as if his life was that meaningless.

Wednesday: August 5, 2009
     Klark told me we have to talk today.  I don't know what he wants.  We can't talk tonight because he gets off work at 6 which he said is too late to come over, so I guess we'll talk tomorrow.  I hope he isn't breaking up with me.  I thought things were fine.

Thursday: August 6, 2009
     While waiting for Klark to get here, I took a nap on the couch today.  I had a dream that Jackson was back.  He wasn't the same Jackson, though.  He was like a Jackson from "Pet Sematary".  His throat was all torn up and he was barking and growling and completely unlike the Jackson I knew.  It terrified me.
     When I first woke up, I was entirely convinced that I was gonna turn the corner into the hallway and find that demon dog waiting for me, but the lucky thing about dreams is that they tend to go away after you wake up.  I think I just heard Klark's car pull into the driveway.  Talk to you later.

Friday: August 7, 2009
     I'm not sure.  Not sure what to make of the last 13 or so hours.  When Klark got here, it was about 8.  Since it's the middle of August it was still sorta light out.  I went to the door to open it, but before I could, he came bursting in.  He left dirty shoe prints in the front hallway.  I distinctly remember the dirt because I said, "You couldn't wipe your feet off first?"
     "There's not enough time," he said.
     "Not enough time? What are you talking about?"
     "The sun's going down."
     "So?"
     "So I can't be with you after the sun goes down.  I'm sorry I'm late.  I got held up in all the downtown traffic, but I couldn't just not show up again.  The guilt is eating me alive."  He was talking so fast that some of his words ended up being mixed together.
     It took me a minute to dissect all of that rushed sentence.  Down town traffic.  Okay.  The sun....  "You've been with me after the sun goes down."
     He shook his head rapidly.  "I don't work night shifts."
     "You slept over here just the other day."
     He just continued to shake his head.  His hands were gripped together, his fingers twitching about with... nervousness maybe?  "You didn't see me that night.  Went to bed early.  You didn't see me until morning."
     "Um.  Okay."  The sun.  The traffic.  The guilt.  What guilt?  "What do you have to be guilty about?"  He's cheating on me.  That's all I could think.
     "Guilty for hurting you so much."
     Definitely cheating on me.  "How did you hurt me?"
     He looked me dead in the eye for just a split second before he turned his face to the floor.  "I killed him."
     My heart started pounding.  "Killed him?"
     "Yes."
     "Killed who?"
     "Your, uh... your dog.  I killed him.  In the middle of the night."
     "No you didn't," I said.  "You couldn't have.  I heard him all night.  I could barely fall asleep cuz of it."
     He just continued to shake his head.  "No."
     "No?  No what?"
     "He wasn't barking."
     "Well, no, not barking.  He was... was..."
     "It was me."
     I just stood frozen for a moment, unsure what to say and unsure of what I was really hearing.  "What was you?"
     "The howling.  And the killing."
     I was the one shaking my head now.  "That's not possible."
     "Listen.  I'm not who you think I am.  Not what you think I am."
     That was when all the confusion started to turn into fear.  "Then what are you?"
     His head jerked towards the window and I could see him looking at the sun fading over the horizon.  "I'm sorry," he suddenly said.  His head snapped back around to look at me again.  "I can't be here."
     Instead of going back out the front door that he came in, he ran for the back door which was closer at the time.  He slammed it behind him, and I just stood in stunned silence until I heard a cry of pain from outside.  My first instinct was to go to the door, but it was only after I was already touching the handle that I decided it might not be safe to go outside.  Instead I went to the window behind the couch and stared out into the darkness.
     It was only a minute or so when I caught a glimpse of glowing red eyes behind the hedges in the yard.  I swear they looked right at me.  I couldn't see the body they belonged to well enough to make out what it was.  When it moved though, it almost looked like a cross between a wolf and a bear... like a bear-sized wolf on two legs.  When it began to howl, a shiver went through my entire spine.  It was the same sound I'd heard the entire night I left Jackson outside.
     I spent the night on the couch.  I didn't fall asleep for hours, though.  I just watched this creature - this monster thing - roaming around my backyard.  Eventually I passed out from the exhaustion.  When I woke up about an hour ago, I looked outside again and didn't see anything out of the ordinary.
     In fact, nothing was out of the ordinary.  The backyard was in perfect condition.  There was no sign of Klark ever being there.  Even the muddy footprints in the entryway are gone.  It's like he never existed.

Saturday: August 8, 2009
     I didn't talk to Klark all of yesterday.  I figured I would see him at work today, but when I got here, he hadn't shown up yet.  I figured he'd just gotten a later shift, but when he still didn't show up a few hours later, I went to ask Taylor if she'd changed his schedule.  She didn't even recognize the name.  No one here does.  No one except for me.

    I looked at the two boys that stood in my kitchen.  I can't really remember anymore what one of them looked like, or ever what his name was, but Keenan was as stunning as ever.  There were so many things that first drew me to Keenan: the way his long, black hair fell across his face... the way his black-rimmed, ice blue eyes always stared coldly from beneath his bangs... the way his skin was a blinding white.  I guess what first attracted me to him wasn't actually a wanting, but more of a curiosity.  He was different - scary, even - and there was just something about his presence that made me want to be closer no matter how many times he ended up hurting me.
    "Just go over there and do it," my best friend said to me.  I didn't even remember that she was standing next to me.  She's just a faded memory now... just a name on the tip of my tongue that I can't quite grasp anymore.  She didn't have to tell me what she meant, though; I knew that we shared the same thoughts.
    I glanced at her and then slowly began to make my way to the kitchen.  Keenan didn't seem to notice my movement until my foot hit the tile on the floor.  He instinctively turned toward the noise.  Our eyes connected for only half a second before he turned back to his friend.  I continued to walk towards them.  My hands were shaking, but I refused to let him see the... I don't even know what to call it.  The nerves?  The fear?  Yeah, the fear.  I wouldn't let him see the fear that I had growing inside me of both him and my own actions towards him.
    As I approached, I knew that he could hear my heart beating inside my chest.  I tried to slow it down as best I could so that the pounding wouldn't tell him how afraid I was.  I put on an act of confidence.  Both boys turned to face me.  I took a step towards Keenan and tried to ignore his friend.  I placed a hand in the center of his chest and pushed him back against the counter.  The cool feel of his skin made me want to pull away, but something inside me wanted more to go forward.
    I slowly - slowly and cautiously - pressed my lips against his.  I could feel his body stiffen in surprise for a moment before he relaxed under my touch and kissed me back.  My heart nearly exploded as our tongues danced around each other and out bodies pressed together.
    It was almost as if I was watching from another point of view then... another vantage point.  Keenan's friend wasn't there anymore.  Neither was mine.  I could see Keenan.  His hands were pressed on the edge of the counter to hold himself steady.  I could see myself, too, leaning against him with both of my hands clutching the front of his shirt.  I watched as everything spun; a wind blew our hair to one side as both we and our surroundings quickly rotated around the center point where his feet met mine.
    I saw the walls melt away into nothingness almost as if I was watching some twisted movie.  In place of my kitchen's white tile floor and the wooden counters and painted walls, there was nothing but gray.  We stood on a hard concrete ground; the wall was lined with cement blocks.  The world stopped turning when we landed there in that room, and I was no longer seeing the world through someone else's eyes.  I pulled away from Keenan, but my hands remained clinging on to his shirt.
    He was almost breathless as he looked at me with those powerful eyes.  I could see his tongue fit perfectly into place between his two sharp teeth as he tried not to pant in front of me.  I tried to force myself to believe that those pointed teeth weren't really there, that I was just imagining them... but I knew that I wasn't.  I leaned towards him and bit at his lower lip.  He let me for a few seconds, and then he tried to push me away.  I didn't know how to react.  I just stared at him.
    "It's so hot in here," he said to me in a voice that was somewhere between a husky whisper and a threatening tone.
    "Then get undressed," I told him.  He didn't laugh or smile; he didn't tell me no or take it as a joke.
    He carefully detached my clawing fingers from his shirt and deftly pulled it over his head.  He let it fall to the floor and combed his fingers through his hair.  I stared at his bare chest and couldn't help the overwhelming feeling of want coursing through my body.  I wrapped my arms around him and pulled myself close to him.  The feeling of his skin against me was addictive.  I just wanted more.
    I slowly began to kiss his chest.  I could see a couple of marks where I accidentally dug my fingernails into him.  He hadn't even made a noise when I did it.  I kissed his cheek and his shoulder and wanted nothing more in the world than to be able to feel every inch of him.  He pulled me even tighter against his body and buried his face in the curve of my neck.  His breath against me sent shivers down my spine, and I loved the sensation.  He kissed my neck, and then as I carefully began to draw away from him, he started to sink his teeth into my skin.
    I grimaced in pain as I could feel him break the skin.  "Keenan, please..." I whimpered.  "Please... don't do this."  I knew he could hear me, but he didn't acknowledge that I had said anything.  I tried to push him away from me, but he just pulled me in closer.  I wanted to kiss him again - wanted to make him love me and forget that side of himself.
    I could feel my knees start to give way underneath me and my head was swimming.  I could feel a small drop of blood quickly slip down my neck to be absorbed by my shirt collar.  He lapped at the red stream that remained behind it.  I could feel his teeth scraping against what parts of my skin were still intact.
    I fell to the ground, but the instant before my head hit the cement, he caught me.  He laid me gently on my back and held a hand to my bleeding neck.  He pressed down on it for what could have been seconds or hours until the blood stopped coming.  I may not even have been conscious the whole time.
    He lowered himself in what almost looked like a push-up position, but he lied down next to me on his stomach.  He tenderly kissed me again and I tried to make the sweet taste of him last as long as possible.  I knew I was tasting my own blood on his lips, and yet I still didn't ever want him to leave me.  He did pull away, though, and he sat back on his knees.  He just looked down at me for a moment.  "I'm sorry," he whispered.  He carefully put a finger on my forehead and moved my hair out of my eyes.
    He stood up, still looking down at me.  I remained on the ground, still too weak to stand.  He finally turned away from me.  I watched him bend down to pick up his shirt, but he didn't put it on.  He looked back at me once before he walked away into darkness and the unknown.  He had never taken enough of my blood to kill me... just enough so that I would know never to trust him again.  And yet, even as I was lying on that floor so close to death, I knew that the next time I saw him, I would succumb to the same thing again.